Look at Katie! Isn’t she just the most outstanding scientology wife! And don’t we look adorable together? Now it was a long road to get to this point in my life. First, there was Nicole Kidman (and Mimi) but that didn’t work out. Then I did(n’t) go into the closet and I did(n’t) enjoy the time I spent in the closet and I did(n’t) come out of the closet to be with Katie Holmes. Now, I’m happy. I found Katie, and we are going to have a baby.
I’m not going to say that this wasn’t challenging, because it was! We had to get past the minor details of no drugs to ease the pain of childbirth, and many, many more horrible things that will happen to Katie because of my religion. This was a huge bump to get past but in the end I decided that I’m okay with Katie going through all this pain for my religion and my baby. After all, I did(n’t) come out of the closet just to be with her. So I decided that her pain was a sacrifice I was willing to make.
Yes, I can get a beautiful younger woman, cause her tons of pain, and still have her. Why? Because I’m hot and I’m famous, and I’m rich! Now I know all Americans are jealous, but this is why Americans need me. They need me to give them the confidence they need to get younger women. Think about it: Without me the older man with a beer belly would never have the confidence to hit on the younger woman with the kickin’ curves and adorable face. I give men backbone. If I can get a younger girl pregnant and force her to have a baby with no drugs, surely any guy can get a younger woman.
Love, Tom (not really)
Tom Cruise is a closeted homosexual incapable of reproducing with a female, and hides behind every stunt in the book in order to camoflauge the world from who he really is. This new marriage will end in divorce as well. And you can be rest assured that he will have Katie kept silent about anything that goes on in the marriage just as he did with Mimi Rogers. What a loser, he is indeed in need of a good psycho-therapist. I think the medical community should shun his upcoming movie just to show that freak that he isn’t all that he use to be.
JSG. “American Psychiatric Association Criticizes Tom Cruise.” People News. 28 June 2005. People Magazine. 14 November 2007.